me: *making my wife breakfast in bed* this would’ve be easier in the kitchen
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) October 21, 2018
My wife can eat one Reese’s peanut butter cup and save the other one for later, so I’m clearly married to a supernatural being.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 16, 2018
Marriage is looking for the remote control for 30 minutes only to find that your spouse has been sitting on it the entire time.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 24, 2018
I think my wife discovered that I opened a new bag of chips before the old one was finished. Just in case I suddenly disappear.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) October 23, 2018
wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Hocus Pocus]
me: No I didn’t
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 18, 2018