We bought a dishwasher because arguing over how to properly load it was missing from our marriage.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) January 6, 2019
Pretty sure my wife only married me to break down Amazon Prime boxes.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 15, 2018
Me: What do you think of your haircut?
Wife: I need more volume
Me: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT?
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 7, 2019
Husband: You can’t go out in those leggings.
Me: *sigh* For the last time LEGGINGS ARE PANTS and I’m not letting society dictate what’s acceptable for me to wear to the mall!
Husband: Okay, but there’s a hole in your butt.
— ▪️EffYeahSteph▪️ (@eff_yeah_steph) December 18, 2018
ME: I know you’re busy so I did the dishes today
HER: Wow, who are you and what have you done with my husband
ME: Ha ha, you caught me… *peeling off face* I am a cyborg from a dying galaxy and–
— Andrew Fowler (@fowlerism) January 3, 2019